International Happiness Day: How To Be Happier!

International Happiness Day falls on March 20th this year and after a long cold winter, we could all do with an extra dose of happiness to lead us into Spring. Happiness can mean many things to many different people, so I asked psychologist and happiness expert, Khody Damestani, how we can all achieve it

Through his own, and others’ research, he has found the best route to happiness is, 'attaining a personal blend of meaning and pleasure.' In other words, we find happiness in the important, significant and joyful activities and experiences in our lives.

Many of us, probably all of us, have searched for happiness in the form of sensory pleasures. I can’t deny that the first sip of a chilled glass of Marlborough Sauvignon is a moment of pure bliss for me. Alcohol, food, caffeine, drugs, S.E.X (in case any children are reading) are all sensory pleasures, but the reward is only fleeting. Misuse of them can actually bring huge amounts of misery. The same goes for other fleeting pleasures such as shopping, parties, and gambling.

Pleasure alone can only provide us with short term benefits. The addition of meaning to our experiences and activities helps to bring a sense of happiness to our whole lives. According to Damestani, 'we need to learn how to attain, develop and nurture a state of contentment.' Rather
than chasing fleeting moments of pleasure, we can develop a general state of happiness and contentment which can colour our entire lives.

However, meaningful activities and experiences, such as studying, learning an instrument, playing sports, and creative pursuits require discipline and the delay of gratification. As a singer, I have missed hundreds of nights out with my friends, spent fortunes on training, practised for thousands of hours in the studio, on stage and even in front of the mirror (sometimes with a hairbrush). I have even ended relationships rather than give up performing and singing. Singing is the most meaningful activity in my life and I also find it extremely pleasurable. This has added up to having a deep sense of contentment in my work as a singer and singing teacher, which of course has made me a happier person in general.

In today’s cyber led world, delaying gratification is more difficult than ever. We have everything we could ever want or need at the tap of a finger, no effort required. We are less inclined to put in effort, but put in effort we must if we are to be truly happy. The level of effort required is of huge importance on our quest for happiness. If something is too easy we will be bored, if something is too difficult we will be inclined to give up. As with any activity, setting yourself small, achievable goals on your way to a bigger goal is a great way to ensure you stick to it. No one ever achieved anything worthwhile without effort and patience.

In my role as a singing teacher and choir leader, I often have to encourage pupils and members to go beyond their comfort levels. Children are excellent at doing this as their whole lives are about developing and pushing through boundaries. Every week I am surprised and impressed by my younger clientele. Adults can learn a lot from this as we are more inclined to stick to what we feel comfortable with and what we already know. The problem with this, is that we limit our potential for happiness when we fail to try new challenging and fun experiences. If you do begin a new activity and feel the challenge is too great, ask your instructor to break the challenge down into more manageable chunks. You will be amazed at what you can achieve. Happiness awaits us all.

Christabel is a singing coach. She also runs Sing Out Sister Ladies’ Choir every Monday evening in Steyning.

Singing in Harmony Workshop:Sunday April 14th at The Steyning Methodist Church,
14.:30. Improve your singing happiness!
Call 07730 373142 for further details.